Trained in paediatrics, Dr Norman Swan was one of the first medically qualified journalists in Australia, with a broadcast career spanning more than 30 years. He currently hosts Radio National’s The Health Report and co-hosts Coronacast. He also reports on 7.30 and is a guest reporter on Four Corners and is an occasional host of Radio National Breakfast.

In addition to being an active journalist and health broadcaster, Dr Swan has a deep strategic knowledge of the Australian healthcare system and is committed to evidence-based approaches to help young people, which is why he sits on the board of the Australian Research Alliance for Children and Youth.

We all want our kids to grow into happy, healthy adults and the first 10 years count more than any other time in our lives. So what should we be doing to give them the best chance? Most books on childhood stop at age five and start again in adolescence. They miss the critical primary school age years leading to adolescence – the years that make all the difference.

With a background in paediatrics and an over 30-year career monitoring and broadcasting the latest medical research, Dr Norman Swan fills that gap. He has unparalleled experience in delivering straight-talking, honest, unbiased and commonsense health information. Norman Swan knows what issues parents are worried about throughout childhood. Drawing on the questions he hears time and again, in this book he gives you the information you want and the answers you need to raise healthy and happy children, with a particular focus on the crucial years of five to ten – the runway to adolescence.

So You Want to Know What’s Good for Your Kids? is a one-stop handbook that you can trust to clear away all the unnecessary advice, allowing you to focus on what makes the difference for kids. Norman Swan replaces myths, half-truths and misconceptions with practical knowledge on topics that parents agonise about – including sleep, diet, school refusal, screens, social media, what genetics determine and what you can and can’t change, anxiety, ADHD and much, much more. This book will help you focus on the decisions that can make your kids the best they can be.

EXTRACT

Hold on a minute: A skill your child needs and you do too

Top line: We’re talking about regulating emotions and dealing with frustration. It’s what readiness for school relies upon and is a two-way street between you and your child.

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This is closely related to what we just talked about in the stress chapter. Self-regulation is about the social and emotional worlds of our children and us. It’s the ability to focus, control your emotions and responses to stress, as well as being able to pause and reflect. While genes play a role in self-regulation, it’s also learnt in early childhood and modelled on what kids see in the adults around them. Self-regulation makes interactions with peers and teachers easier and more positive. The big issue with entry to school is that there are expectations about behaviour, attention and relationships which may not match the environment in which the child was reared.

Being school ready

When kindergarten teachers are asked what they think are the features of children who are ready for school, they say things like, they’re well nourished, rested, can verbally communicate their wants and needs, enthusiastic and curious, pay attention and follow instructions, aren’t disruptive and are sensitive to other children’s feelings. Note they don’t say school readiness is about knowing the alphabet, naming colours, counting to 20 or being able to hold a pencil or paintbrush. It’s the social and emotional skills, which in turn rely on self-regulation, that count and maybe more than IQ (general intelligence) in terms of school performance. Now temperament does affect this because a child who’s either very low or very high on the reactive scale can have issues with attention and self regulation (see Such an Easy Child). What you’re aiming for is a Goldilocks spot of moderate reactivity – meaning the child is alert and responsive.

Self-regulation predicts school achievement

A bright child who doesn’t have good emotional control and sensitivity and who is angry and negative may not achieve as much as a child who’s not quite as bright but who has their ‘shit together’. The trouble is that this is complicated by teachers’ behaviour. They sometimes give preference to the ‘easier’ kids in their class.

You’re coaching the front of the brain

It’s called the prefrontal cortex and is the part of the brain where we plan activities, control our impulses and maintain attention to tasks. You train your child’s prefrontal cortex regularly without realising it.

‘Okay, darling, you’re going to help with the laundry. (Yep I know, dream on …) So what are you going to do with your dirty t-shirt? No, sweet, I don’t do this better …’

Anyway, you get my drift.

The coaching extends to emotions as well. You, as a parent, remain calm when they’re agitated or angry or upset. You find out why and by example coax them back to the middle ground by being supportive rather than negative. Nurturant is the word.

There is a trap in talking too much

Back to serve and return. Ideally you take the lead from the child by watching, listening and asking as few questions as you can. The evidence is that if you jump in with talk, talk, talk and information that’s too complex or overloading them, there’s a risk of raising stress levels, reducing prefrontal activity and learning. Encouraging them to talk and explain with you listening and responding appropriately for their age, is more functional. This becomes particularly acute when your child reaches adolescence. Lots of talking and explaining by parents (unless the child asks for it) can drive teenagers up the wall.

Childcare quality matters here too

A low quality childcare centre which isn’t nurturing, where there isn’t a consistent carer who’s calm, loving and supportive, can affect a child’s trajectory to healthy self-regulation. Judge a childcare centre by your own high standards. In the school setting, teachers who help kids relate to each other and leave room for autonomy can reduce a child’s reactivity and increase their emotional regulation.

Six is the magic number

The good news is that, on average, kids develop a reasonable degree of self-regulation by the age of six, which might be one reason why some countries don’t compel kids into school until that age or even a bit later. As a child grows up and develops, they actually need the prefrontal cortex less and less for learning because the brain has worked out the pathways that embed the lessons of life and school. That still leaves the prefrontal cortex with plenty of work to do on planning, decision-making and emotional regulation.

You can see why the early years matter

A child who’s born into poverty and deprivation – if no help is offered to parents and the child – can descend into a cascade of developmental disadvantage which has the potential to change a person’s life’s trajectory. Reduced access to high quality childcare, lower early learning opportunities, parents who are too stressed to be effective coaches and self-regulate themselves or provide a language-rich environment, can result in children with higher stress reactivity, lower regulation and who are at risk of not achieving their academic potential.
Such at-risk children need high quality childcare from perhaps as early as six months. Every child needs social and emotional training but it doesn’t have to be only from their parents.

Read an extract from So You Think You Know What’s Good For You? by Dr Norman Swan