MOLLY POTTER’s It’s OK to Say No is an important picture book that supports starting conversations with young children about consent. Read our Q&A with the author.
What inspired you to write a book about consent for kids?
I work with a lot of parents/carers and teachers in infant schools and the topic of consent often comes up. It seemed like there was some confusion over how to explain respecting boundaries and asking for consent to younger children. I think there are two reasons for this confusion! One is that the topic is somewhat irrelevant for babies who need us to do everything for them so the importance of consent changes (sometimes confusingly for parents!) as a child grows.
The other reason is there is some misunderstanding about when we need to ask for consent. For example, touch (nearly) always needs consent but if a trusted adult is asking a child to do something helpful, that will keep them safe, help them learn or it’s good for them, these are not a matter for consent. My book gives lots of examples so children end up with a clear idea of when consent is needed.
Why do you think it’s important to introduce these conversations early?
I soon realised that a book that explained consent could be both empowering and would promote respect for others. It’s never too early to promote such things! Being more aware of how we interact with others and becoming more conscious of the impact we might have on other people, can boost empathy and respectful interactions.
Being able to set and maintain boundaries is a really helpful life-skill and starting to understand them from an early age means we’re more likely to manage them well. Often we’re taught saying no is naughty. So being clear about when ‘no’ is a totally acceptable thing to say means we don’t end up going along with things that we really feel uncomfortable about. I know many adults who struggle to say no and then find themselves complaining about what happened and resenting things!
Also respecting consent helps us develop trusting relationships. When we can trust someone, we feel safe and close to them. This book helps young children understand part of what’s important in a healthy friendship.
What are some of the key points you want this book to convey about consent and setting boundaries?
The main messages and aims of the book are:
- Consent is needed when it comes to touch and closeness, personal possessions and sharing information.
- Consent is about respect.
- Understanding that when someone says no, it might feel like a rejection but their ‘no’ needs to be respected they same way yours does.
What’s next in your ‘Let’s Talk’ series?
My next book is about ‘being a grown up’. It will encourage young children to think about what they will be like when they are an adult – in a fun way. It will hopefully inspire ambition and also an excitement about, and interest in, their future
Describe this book in three words.
Reassuring, respect-inducing, empathy-encouraging. I always cheat a bit when I am given a restriction like this!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Molly Potter is a bestselling author of 35+ books for teachers, parents/carers and children covering a variety of topics under the broad umbrella term of ‘wellbeing’. She has spent many years teaching in both mainstream and specialist schools, helping children with emotional and behavioural difficulties to trust adults, develop self-esteem and learn to self-regulate. She has also been a county advisor on all things PSHE (personal, social, health and economic) with a special focus on RSE (relationships and sex education), where she developed her keen interest in helping children navigate life’s tricky bits! Her two children regularly roll their eyes at her openness when delivering the honest facts of life. Molly currently writes teaching resources for different organisations, delivers training, speaks at events and gives one-to-one support to children, often focusing on developing emotional literacy and supporting behaviour.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Sarah Jennings is a children’s book illustrator based in South London. She discovered a love of drawing at a young age and has been scribbling ever since. Her clients include Bloomsbury, Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins and Walker Books. Sarah works from her home studio in the company of her three-legged cat, Calvin.
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